I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
