Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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