We won't sleep together?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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