I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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