I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
