Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
