He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
