Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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