If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
