I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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