My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
