please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
