Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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