margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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