when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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