Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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