btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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