He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Pooping to opera.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize