dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize