At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
