i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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