everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
