it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
