And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
