I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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