There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
