I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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