Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
