My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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