shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
