Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
