I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
