I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
