My hair reeks of homosexuality.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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