thus making me awesome and them whores
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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