She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
