Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
