I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
