i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
