i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
