Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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