Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
