my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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