His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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