i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
