Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
