this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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