Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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