Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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