I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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