wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
