I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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