your thong is hanging out like whoa
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
