You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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