I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
