I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
