pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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