His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
