You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
