my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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