So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
