She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize