i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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