If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
